Full Mooning
by freeflymore
Summary: Hello, my name is Hermione Jean Granger and I am a self-proclaimed slag. The following contains the journey through which I arrived upon such slag-dom. OOC. Non-canon.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

I have just broken up with Ron. I just broke up with Ron. I broke up with Ron. We had known each other for years and I'd always had a small crush on him, but it wasn't until this past year that we tried a "relationship." Boyfriend, girlfriend. There were always some obstacles. Other suitors vying for our attention despite our togetherness.

It's not like we had been each other's firsts, but sometimes his jealousy would broil over. Occasionally I would feel empowered by his desire to mark me as his, but most of the time it was annoying. Anytime we ran into one of my past flames in the corridors, he couldn't help but be possessive. As an independent and intelligent woman, it was too much.

This one time in the common room, we had been hanging out with Harry and Ginny. We'd all snuck in a couple butterbeers and were well into our cups. Somehow we'd ended up on the topic of the kinkiest things we'd ever done. However, my experience had not been with Ron. I mentioned the time I'd been in the library studying for Potions during the TriWizard Tournament and Victor was watching me. It was a couple years before I started dating Ron. That day, Victor had seduced me into his lap and thoroughly fingered me in the middle of the library for anyone to see. It had also been the first time someone had breached my maidenly womanhood. He did not enjoy my tale. Although he was half in love with Victor, he also hated Victor because of my past indiscretions. On this particular occasion, Ron was so overcome by his emotions, whichever ones they were, he began crying and I had to leave to give him some space.

Honestly, his pride was a very fragile thing. Molly must have coddled him too much as a child. He had a constant need for attention and assistance with our assignments. He never seemed to do any of the work himself and always managed to coerce me into helping him. After the war, he returned to Hogwarts to finish his education. I had not joined him, having already landed a position at the Ministry. Despite this, he continued to ask for my help with his homework. Was he completely bonkers? Of course I was not going to help him!

That had been the last straw. It had been about a month and just yesterday, I finally mustered the courage to just let him go. I gave it to him straight. We were no longer compatible and I finally realized that there were other things in the world, wizard or Muggle, for both of us. However, none of those things included us being together. It just was not something I could continue pretending to be content with. And there it was- content. I didn't want to be complacent or satisfied. I wanted to be ravished and exultant and _in love_. I knew that I couldn't have that while with Ron.

Unfortunately, that resulted in him calling me a whore and a slag and accused me of having loose legs and wanting to fuck every wizard at my place of employment. Until then, I had not even considered the possibility of doing such a thing. However, after his angry outburst, I decided that that was exactly what I would do.

So here I am today, ingraining it into my mind that I have broken up with Ron and that I'm free to fuck whichever tosser crosses my path. And dear me, there's an adorable man working on the fifth floor of the Ministry that I'm currently working on a project with. No worries! I'll get back to you with the details soon!


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

It's been a couple months since the last time we talked, but life has been pretty weird lately.

First off, I hooked up with Harry. I know, I know. Harry, as in THE Harry? Yes, _Merlin_, I hooked up with Harry bloody Potter. It was awkward and strange and felt just a bit like incest. For Godric's sake, I'd grown up with the guy! Not to mention the fact that Ron sort of worshipped the ground he walked upon.

It had been a typical Sunday night. We always had a standing appointment the last Sunday of the month to get together and catch up. Even though we both worked at the Ministry, being in the Auror Department didn't leave him much free time and I rarely saw him outside of our Sunday dates. But on this particular occasion, we both had a couple too many butterbeers before retiring to his flat to watch a flick on the telly. To make matters worse, we had both recently experienced an emotionally-trying breakup. I never would have expected him to hit on me, let alone be as bold as to take hold of my chin and firmly plant his lips on mine. Nor would I have thought his hand would find itself in my pants and that I would not stop it. Or that my hand would reciprocate and bring him to a rather premature release. After cleaning up, he walked me to the floo and we've never spoken of it since. Let's just say I was relieved, albeit a bit confused, when he asked Ginny on an actual date several days later. Unlike some males, Harry deserved to be happy and I wish him all the luck with his blossoming relationship with a Weasley. Hopefully his would fair better than mine had.

After that nonsense, I had an interesting encounter with a man from an old work group. A couple months ago, just before I broke things off with Ron, I had been recruited to a committee that was advocating for Vampire rights in the UK. Having heard of my legal knowledge and desire for the equality of all magical creatures, they concluded that I was the best candidate to task with writing a bill. The goal? Persuade the Ministry to legalize Vampire feeding on willing participants as long as the donors were given proper compensation for their troubles. I didn't work with them long. Unfortunately the Ministry was strongly against such a "preposterous" idea. Allowing Vampires to hunt on the public population would only set a precedent for other magical creatures, like Werewolves, or some rubbish.

One night at the local pub, Ginny, Luna, and I had been having a girls night. By the time we made it to the dance floor, we were all sloshed. I could tell because my skirt kept riding up and I felt absolutely no desire to pull it back down. I was also dancing. Only, I wasn't dancing alone. One of the men from the Vampire advocacy group had his hands on my hips and groin pressing into my backside. His neck was bent and his head leaned against mine, his hot breath feathering over my exposed shoulder. I shivered as his tongue darted out to trace my ear. When the song ended, he asked if I wanted a drink and I nodded numbly. My lips wouldn't move.

He pulled me to his table against the wall; secluded. The moment we sat down, his lips attacked mine. I wasn't particularly attracted to him and knew absolutely nothing about him, other than his passion for Vampire equality, and yet I found myself eager and hot when his tongue played with mine. There was something about him, something mesmerizing. Suddenly, I pulled away for air, but that did not stop him. His kisses trailed across my jaw and down my neck. He stopped to suck, bite, and nibble at a particularly sensitive spot on my neck. I moaned wantonly. His hand was on my breast, kneading roughly, desperate to feel me. He bit down on my collarbone and _Godric_ it hurt. But combined with the sensation of his hands running all over my body, it turned me on. His hand was sliding up my thigh and under my skirt when an "Oy mate!" interrupted us.

"Sorry," his friend said nervously, "he's pretty smashed and we've gotta take him home." Addressing the guy, who I noticed was now literally on top of me, he added, "Let's get out of here."

My, er, friend took one look at me, nodded, got up, and left. It wasn't until I dressed the next morning that I noticed two angry, red holes glaring at me from my neck. That tosser was a bloody Vampire! And he seduced me into submission! Luckily for him, I had enjoyed the experience and will not look for retribution.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

Lately, I have kind of, sort of been talking to a guy who also works at the Ministry. He's a friend of someone in my department and I'd often seen him in the dining hall. Eventually we had been introduced and began getting lunch together. Initially, things were friendly and cordial. But, hey, he was cute and intelligent and had such boyfriend potential. About two weeks ago, he finally asked me on a date! Yes, it was old-fashioned to wait for him to make a move, but putting my heart on the line was tough work. There was no reason to jump the gun if it turned out he wasn't even interested. However, things did not exactly go as planned.

He took me to a Quidditch match. As you know, I'm not particularly fond of the sport, nor do I really understand the rules of the game. But I don't think either of us paid much attention to the field. He was sitting so close to me on the bleachers that the slightest movement caused our bodies to rub against each other. The slight friction of skin on skin had me on edge. We didn't even wait for the end of the match to leave.

We Apparated back to his flat. Thank _Merlin_ none of his flatmates were home. Otherwise, our impromptu attempt at sex in the foyer would have been extremely embarrassing (not that it wasn't already). I'm almost ashamed to reveal what happened..

The second we were through the front door, his hands and lips were on me. Hot and heavy. I couldn't get enough. Frantically, we pulled at each other's clothes until there was nothing between us. His chest was warm and inviting. We were too eager to make it to the living room, not to mention the bedroom. The coolness of the hardwood floor was a shock for my overheated body.

"Fuck yeah," he muttered as he pushed into me. He wasn't as thick as Ron, but the feeling of being stretched wide open was all too familiar. Rolling over, I took the initiative to set the pace. It had been a while since my last romp and I needed release.

"Ride that broomstick!" he panted. "Yeah, just like that!"

It was in this moment that I realized things weren't going to work out between the two of us. Not that I have an issue with Quidditch fetishes, otherwise things with Ron and Krum would have been weird to the extreme. However, I did not possess a solid enough understanding of Quidditch to play along with this particular fantasy. Despite this setback, I truly tried to keep up, but failed miserably.

While I had been contemplating how to proceed, my tempo slowed and my "broomstick" was displeased. His hands moved from their position on my thighs to my pelvis.

"If I play with your golden snitch (READ: clitoris), can we win the game (READ: orgasm)?" At this remark, he flashed me a wide, cocky grin as if what he just said wasn't gross and creepy.

Unfortunately, my body was no longer aroused and my silence put a damper on his excitement. Feeling guilty, I tried to finish him off with my mouth. I sucked, twisted, licked, but to no avail. His cock flopped unceremoniously against his stomach; limp.

After that, neither of us really knew what to do or say. Quietly, we redressed and I gave him an awkward kiss goodbye before leaving. Suffice it to say, I never saw or spoke to him again. If you ever have the misfortune of running into this man, his name is Bartholomew Tibbott.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

The Winter Ball was last weekend! Initially, I was unaware that the Ministry even hosted social events. But, Dean said his department was special and always hosted the annual event. The reason I had never heard of it was due to its exclusivity: invite-only. This year, Dean was being promoted and needed a date for the occasion, hence my unexpected attendance. I'm not sure Dean himself was properly prepared for the night either. Apparently, it is a tradition that new promotions chug an entire bottle of firewhiskey at midnight. Most didn't succeed and ended up chucking into a barrel, which was conveniently placed at their feet. Some rallied and continued chugging. Complete rubbish! Don't they know they could get liver cancer from that?

Dean managed to escape with only half a bottle. Unbeknownst to me, Dean had a little crush. Okay, maybe more than a little. When he turned up by my side, he somehow managed to get me to dance with him. I'm not a prude, as you well know, but it's a little weird when your friends try to be intimate with you. Like with Harry, for example. But I was bored and Dean was fun, so I didn't mind _too_ much. I also didn't mind when he started kissing me or when his hands roamed over my body. I looked good in my dress and it was nice to know it was appreciated.

It was most definitely not appreciated when Dean's sneaky hands made their way underneath both my skirt and my panties. Nor was it appreciated when Parvati took it upon herself to notify Lavender of the incident. Not 5 minutes later, I received an owl from Lav that she and Seamus were picking us up from the Ministry so we wouldn't do anything we would later regret. Likely referring to an undoubtedly awkward morning after should we continue. _That_. That I was thankful for.

Seamus escorted Dean home. Lavender had a bag with an Undetectable Extension Charm and a change of clothes for me. Apparently, we were going to the pub for a _real_ night out, not snogging one of our closest friends. I should have learned from the Harry incident, but no, Drunk Hermione is… very receptive. As evidenced by my whirlwind of a night at the pub. My festivities did not end with Dean. Or Marvin. Or Caleb.

Or Theo. _Merlin_ Theo. That man's lips had turned up at me in a devilish smirk. He was excited I was there. He had been _dying_ to kiss me. Wondering what my body would feel like against his. And when he found out, he couldn't get enough. His hands were everywhere; touching, grasping, squeezing. At some point, we managed to separate for a moment, if only to tell our friends that we were leaving for a more intimate setting. Our joining was hot, rough, and sweaty and left me bruised and aching. Despite appearances, there was something about him that was mysterious and alluring. It helped that he most definitely knew what to do with his… you-know-what.

The night ended sweetly. He apparated me home and we shared a whispered promise to owl the other if a need ever arose. Knowing myself, I'm sure it will.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Diary,

Apparently men cannot seem to keep their mouths shut. Not that I can say much for women either, but one never expects men to be so open with one another. Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way. One day, I was innocently making my way to the Department of Mysteries library during my lunch break. As per usual, I was preoccupied with my own thoughts and didn't notice that I was no longer alone in the lift. During the long ride from the first to the ninth floor, Draco Malfoy managed to squeeze his way in. He supposedly showed an aptitude for international relations and had established himself well in the Department of International Magical Cooperation. He was even the Seeker for the department's recreational Quidditch team. Unsurprisingly, he was always trying to pick fights with Harry on the mornings before a match. Typical Slytherin.

But I digress. On this particular occasion, Malfoy made it apparent childhood rivalries were not limited to the Quidditch pitch. He took it upon himself to make sly comments in reference to my hot and wild one night stand with Theo. I should have expected it, but I had been under the incorrect impression that Malfoy had matured over the years while working with a variety of characters in his department.

"Sending any interesting owls lately, Granger?" Malfoy snidely asked. Of course, I wouldn't give him the pleasure of a response, so I remained silent. "Maybe that's too intimate. I bet you follow in the Weasel's footsteps and send color-coded interdepartmental memos. It would only be one floor away."

As if I needed another reminder of Ron's latest arrangement with Lavender. Not that I really cared, but it is a somewhat like a jab to the stomach hearing about your former significant other's kinky, late-night office rendezvouses from literally everyone in the Ministry. If they were going to sneak around at work, couldn't they improve upon their so-called "sneaking" skills?

"Interesting suggestion," I said, looking him directly in the eye. "I'm sure you would know all about it."

"Ha!" he exclaimed. "As if the honourable Hermione Granger would ever do such a thing."

"Oh, bite me."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"You're all talk and no bite, Malfoy."

"You're right. I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole. I'm way out of your league," he sniffed, pretending to pick a piece of lint off his robes.

"Quite the ego you've got there."

"With a little experience, I'm sure you could come up to snuff. I hear you're a fast learner."

With a huff, I exited the lift earlier than planned. There was something about the leer on his face and his dark chuckling that irked me enough to force my retreat. Nothing was more irritating than a man feeling superior to a woman for no good reason. Seriously? The nerve! It makes my blood boil.

In the following weeks, I took every opportunity to go out with the girls. Malfoy's taunt played over and over in the back of my head, challenging me. Godric knows why, but I wanted to prove him wrong. After breaking up with Ron, I didn't want another man to get under my skin like that again, but I couldn't help myself. My competitive side wanted to play this game. And if I was going to play, I was playing to win.

I managed to add Ernie and Remy to my tally, and even saw Theo a couple of times. The last time I saw Theo, he casually remarked that I've "been busy." At the time, I had assumed he meant with work since Kingsley has me reviewing new pieces of legislature that he wants approved before the beginning of the next calendar year. It was only a few days ago when I realized he was referring to my late night activities. I had gone to the second floor for a consultation on Magical Law and saw Ernie, Remy, Theo, and Harry walking down the hall in matching uniform. At that moment, my mind imploded. For fuck's sake, how had I never noticed that they all work together?!


End file.
